Through the glitz and glam: A survivor’s tale of E3 2009. Day one.

Vitamin B6: 40mg (2000% daily value). Vitamin B12: 500mcg (8333% daily value). Energy Blend: 1870 mg. The incomparable “supplement facts” tattooed on the back of my berry-flavored “*5-hour ENERGY” shot (visual reference to the left) typically frighten my thirst into hiding, but tonight the red, yellow, and blue canister looks beautiful in a very “supplemental” way.

I’m tired. Exhausted, really. Day one of E3 flew by in the brightest, loudest haze anyone can experience without the aid of Dr. Thompson’s typical breakfast. Even three men doused in blue paint can’t compete with this smorgasbord of stimuli.

This is undoubtedly a show, and I’ve seen nothing like it.
But I have seen this before.

Tuesday, June 2 – 11:58 AM – Four gamers of varying ages take to the stage and ready themselves for a game of Rock Band in front of the South Hall at the LA Convention Center. Rush’s Limelight suddenly starts sullying the P.A.

To get our minds off the unfortunate circumstances, Brendon Lindsey,Chief Editor of the MMOLife network, and I make zero-stakes bets on the pending performances of our fellow journo “rockers.” I predict the bony “guitarist” in the Dream Theater shirt will display the highest level of plastic instrument proficiency, while Brendon believes the slightly overweight vocalist in the forest green tee will charm us with his mastery. Seconds later, Barcelona wins UEFA. Or at least that’s what it sounds like. The red-jacketed security guard-ish folks bravely, but warily, open the doors to the showfloor and the attendees react in whatever way they deem appropriate–yelling, screaming, and yelping. Given the hysteria, a calf might’ve also been born or branded in that same hall at that exact same time, but I can’t confirm anything.

Speaking of cattle, dozens of men, and very few women (but more than I expected), stampede towards the doors. Brendon and I remain still, content with finding the results of our little bet. Overweight lead singer dude, it turns out, can pull off a decent Geddy Lee impression, and the Dream Theater kid really knows those charts. Whether either of those are actually positives or negatives are entirely up to you, my dear reader.
Shortly after, the walls and kiosks were lined with blood. Old rivalries die hard.

Why don’t they open up all of the doors?” I ask my compadre. Matter-of-factly, he replies “Because then they don’t yet have the shot of everyone crowding to get on the showfloor.” It’s a snarky response, but he couldn’t be more correct. A few noteworthy journalists attribute E3’s considerably larger size (compared to the two previous years) to an industry-wide need for cultural validation, even though it already exists. Thousands of fervent attendees willingly sacrificing any notion of personal space to massive lines just so major news outlets have pictures to match sensationalistic headlines. But that’s a soapbox rant for another time (soon). Here are some highlights from the first day.

“WHO WANTS AN UGLY OVERSIZED SHIRT?!”

EA’s area might be the brightest and the loudest. A slightly raised white carpeted flooring matches the white walls and white display kiosks while a neon blue light blankets the entire surface area of the exhibit. Unlike most of the publisher spaces, EA’s actually feels cozy, albeit in a THX 1138 kind of way. Unfortunately all feelings of relaxation are immediately shattered when some loudmouth begins tossing shirts to the crowd. I’ve never seen so many people get so excited for some (presumably) ill-fitting XL shirts featuring a random title from the publisher/developer. or that’s what I think before venturing over to pro gamer Fatal1ty’s booth, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Missing out on something I would’ve otherwise enjoyed seeing isn’t exactly how I want to leave this event, so I decide to form a game plan. The first step entails me leaving the EA booth, the next, me wandering somewhat aimlessly from one side of the South hall to the other, noting key exhibits, titles I want to play,  developers I feet like talking to, etc.

I confess. I devised an elaborate plan to hijack and maneuver this two-legged monster straight out the front doors. Everything was going fine until I realized it’s not actually capable of firing rockets, machine guns, or moving.

Alone, I pay an admittedly creepy amount of attention to conversations between gamers. Most of the dialogs involves Microsoft’s Natal, the technology that turns the player into a controller.” unveiled at the company’s press conference the night before.  I don’t think this hype train can carry any more passengers, as few attendees say anything negative about a technology barely demoed and only shown to a select few behind closed doors. I, on the other hand, remain the hard-nosed skeptic.


This is Natal.

Back to Fatal1ty, a.k.a. Jason Wendel, ensconced in a booth designed to promote products stamped with his online handle.“Whose booth are we at?” asks another onstage loudmouth. “Fatal1ty!” replies the crowd in a manner resembling enthusiasm. WHO?!” the loudmouth asks again. I feel my own obnoxious loudmouth side beginning to scrape and crawl out, but remain calm. I’d probably look like a jerk or a Debbie Downer anyway. “Fatal1ty!” yells the crowd, this time a little louder and a little less genuine.The loudest warm body receives a Fatal1ty t-shirt for her incomparable enthusiasm, while another earns the opportunity to play against Wendel in Quake III Arena. My only reward involves seeing Wendel beat the dignity out of some cocky thug wannabe. Wendel smiles for every second of the massacre, obviously pleased with himself. Disgusting.

For more on “the greatest gamer of all time,” check out this video interview conducted by my good friend Jamie Calimquim where, at one point, she candidly asks the “star” how he feels about being known as a…wait for it…douchebag. Dissect the comments for added spice.

After stopping all-too-briefly at the Indiecade, an area I promised myself I’d visit tomorrow, I head over to the West hall where heavy hitters Sony, Nintendo, and Activision maintain booths. Here, Activision wins the award for biggest attention-grabber. Giant screens cover nearly every surface , regardless of size. Wanna replicate the experience? Go to Best Buy’s TV section and imagine the screens ten times larger and with their volume levels jacked to near-max. Initially cool, right? Ultimately annoying? Yep.

I, along with a crowd possibly containing more people than my hometown (pop 246) saw a live demonstration of DJ Hero on the massive stage, but as to how that looked I’ll let you know in the games preview.

As most attendees had hoped, E3 might really be back. I realize it’s only the first day, but, at the moment, I love this new format. And here I thought I’d be happy to leave at 6:00 p.m. when all of the screens are powered down and publishers basically say “GTFO.” Now I’m the one getting dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the West hall and through the front doors. Who knew?

And now I leave you with this big pipe…thing from the Batman Arkham Asylum booth. NEAT!

*Disclaimer: I didn’t purchase this nuclear substance. A gentleman from a booth handed the drink(?) out.

This entry was posted by Kyle Stallock on Friday, June 12th, 2009 at 3:07 pm and is filed under Gaming, Multimedia. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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